We are still in Beta.

I shouldn’t be allowed to drive.

Really I shouldn’t. Despite the fact that I’m a very bad driver I have this bad habit of being distracted to easily. It’s ok though… it’s not my fault; it’s Gods.

Yes. That’s right. God!

For example tonight when driving Riley to his girlfriends house I kept having to remind myself to look at the road and not out over the beautiful lake at the bright pink and orange and red pastel sunset.

Or take when I have a really really good day for example. Obviously if I’ve had a really good day I can hardly control myself, and when I crank that worship music super loud and start singing along I can’t help but close my eyes and praise God…. WOOPS! Better open them!

Then there are the animals of the wild that I can’t help but be excited about. Just the other day while driving home from Cameron and Kate’s wedding I happened to see a coyote running across the road. So what did I do? I followed it for as long as I could!

What else? Oh the STARS! How many times have I been distracted by the amazing display of shining, twinkling lights vividly displayed up in the sky along with a picturesque moon? More than I can count.

There are rivers, and trees, clouds, rain, rainbows, really windy days I just have to roll the windows down for, sunrises, sunsets and countless other things. But none of these compare to the biggest distraction God has given me.

The most beautiful, lovely, wonderful, amazing thing in the world happens to be what sits right next to me every once in a while when I drive.

This can be none other than her, my girlfriend, Annie.

I just decided God is an amazingly fast sketch artist.

Look at it this way. Video is multiple frames moving fast enough for our brains to render them as motion. That’s how stop motion animation works. You take a picture, then another, then another, and another, each time barely moving the object or the picture you’ve drawn. Then when played back at 24 frames per second or faster your brain runs it together as motion. So I believe all God is doing is sketching life at 24 fps or faster. Every time someone moves, every time something shifts, or a car pulls away from a stop sign, God is redrawing that picture.  Think about it. Then think about this, the wind you feel… that’s God’s breath, when he’s rushing and doesn’t want the ink to smear; he blows on his picture. Once it dries he draws the next picture and it takes the place of the previous one.

This also happens to explain why some days feel slower than others, and some days feel faster than others. The slow days are when God has hand cramps and has to slow down. Basically our world, our movie is running at less than 24 fps. The fast days is when God is whipping out those images at a super high frame rate.  Of course, the more you move the faster he has to draw and thus the faster the day goes, and thus why your movement causes the day to go by faster.
With that said I believe God is an amazingly fast sketch artist, and the beauty in the world really comes when humans rest enough for him to put beauty in the world. When we slow down, he can elaborate; paint sunsets, draw rainbows, and add color and sensation.

So, next time you want a beautiful day. Slow down. It will help God out!

I’m going to Europe. That is exciting. I feel God has been calling me to do this for a while now and finally the plans are set. The plane ticket is bought, I’m getting ready to go. I’ve been focused recently on what I need to bring. I keep thinking ” I need this. No I don’t. Do I need that? Maybe.” Yet, I realize it is less important to think about what I need to bring physically as what I need to bring in my heart. This trip has been about connection with God and trusting his strength. I need to allow myself to be willing to do that, and not put so much security in what I bring. This trip will work out, because of God, just like everything else in my life has. So, with that said, I hope I can trust God more with this trip.

Dear God, allow me to give up my feeble attempts to control this trip. I want to feel secure and safe but honestly I have no control over that, you do. Please give me the wisdom, peace and strength to trust you.

As I biked home last night in the not so softly falling rain; while wearing my bright orange snow pants as rain pants, and a bright yellow running jacket for visibility; in the glow of ever present overhead city lights, I heard a magical sound. I was coasting down the street, no hands on my handlebars as this sound began to ring, and literally it rang. See, as I bike home after work sometimes I am so lucky as to pass a Catholic Church around 8 o’clock. This is a wonderful and special occasion because it means that I get to hear these beautiful bells ring out across the dark night sky. This night in particular I was actually several blocks before the church when I began to hear the ringing. And it continued up until I passed the church when the last bell tolled and echoed with reverberation into the night. (Granted it did not echo quite like other nights, see rain is not so conducive to reverberations. Bright clear and cold nights on the other hand literally hum for blocks with the sound of the last bell.)

All that is to say that they are beautiful bells. Every time I pass them as the ring I am amazed at the splendor of the bells, amazed at the beauty of them, and amazed that they can be heard for several city blocks.

Every time they ring I feel as though time slows and I am in a movie. I wish they would never stop and that I could just listen forever. They echo not only in the real world, but ever so softly in my heart, softly pulling at the emotions. Honestly there is no good way to describe them. It is an experience one must have all for him or herself, and it is an experience I would go out of my way to hear.

Granted I lived without the bells till now, but now that I have heard them… I don’t believe I can stop. They make me ponder and think every night of beauty, serenity, power, grace, love, hope, peace, wonder, awe, and most of all…….. they make me consider becoming Catholic.

14 degrees when I left on my bike for work…

20 when I got home.

Isn’t God’s weather amazing!

I just had to say I find it ironic and oxymoronic everytime I see a Portland City Vehicle.

Every time I see one it says “The City that Works.”  Now I find this humorous since Portland’s unemployment rate is at 10.7%. Obviously Portland isn’t the city that works.

(I’m sure this joke has been cracked before, but as to where I don’t know cause I certainly haven’t heard it)

With that said I do feel extremely thankful to have a job, and not only to hold a job but to be working full time at a Great job. God has definitely provided for me.

So though the city of Portland might not work, I am thankful that I do.

My life is not going according to plan.

At least, not according to my plan.

Yet it is going according to God’s plan -and thus - Life is Good.

Work is going well. I really enjoy it. I’m learning a lot and getting to experience new things all the time. I love the opportunities that Next Adventure gives me.

My family is doing well and I am looking forward to my older brothers wedding to his wonderful fiance.

My friends are mostly away at college or working but settled into their lives and no one seems to be hating it as far as I can tell.

My girlfriend is enjoying school, just spent a week with my Uncle, Aunt and Cousins in Spokane and will be home in a week.

So yes… life is good.

In fact, I am almost fully at peace with life right now. Some other things recently happened that I won’t go into detail about but that I am very thankful for. I am truly blessed by God. Life is a lot better than I could have expected it to be at this point and it’s all because of him. If it had all been up to me right now would definitely not be going how it is now.

In other words, life would be worse off. For exampe…work… if it had gone my way I would have had a job at the beginning of summer. If that had happened I probably would have saved enough money to have visited Europe and would have arrived home from Europe a few weeks ago. This would have been great, but I probably would not have gotten this amazing job at Next Adventure, I would have no money and I don’t know how Annie and my relationship would be right now.
Now that is just one example of how life is better off because of God’s planning and not mine. There are other plans that I had a few years ago that did not happen, but that I now see are better because of it, and I am thankful for that.

So looking at my life now I am thankful for where I am. Life is good, and though I wish for things that are yet to come, I realize that God has a plan that is better than my own plan. Though I would love to be with my girlfriend (rather than all the way across the state), or have a lot of money, or whatever, I realize that all in God’s timing it will work out for the best. If I had followed Annie to WSU I probably would not be very happy right now, just like if I had gotten at job at the beginning of summer I would not have gotten this job now. So with that said, I am saying this.

Jesus I trust you with my future. Thank you for all you’ve given me and provided me with. I pray that I will continue to be thankful for all you’ve done for me and can show that by loving others as you have loved me. I also pray that you will give other friends and family in my life a thankfulness and peace about where they are in life right now too.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I find myself beginning to wonder about how to live life. See, it’s not as simple as it sounds….. or more so it is, but I’m scared. I don’t know how to say this, but I’ll take a stab.

My whole life I’ve found it pretty easy to fit in, easy to be myself and stand out while fitting in that is. I’ve never had an issue with people really not liking me, with me having to really try and stand up for what I believe. I’ve always had friends that might not agree with me, but they don’t try and force me to drink, swear, steal, do drugs, etc. etc. I mean, even when people I know have been doing things I’m uncomfortable with I’ve always found it pretty easy to just say no and stand up for what I believe. Partys and such where they play games I disagree with, or want to do something I don’t believe is right…. I can just say no. In fact sometimes I’d even pull out my Bible and just start reading.

Well, I’m afraid life is going to be different now. I don’t know for sure, but I just feel it is. Talking to my friends at college it seems harder for them. Some of them are making choices that they don’t agree with. Some are just being presented with situations that require them to take a stand one way or another. Soon I believe I will be in those situations.

Granted I’ve had a few already, between hanging out with a bunch of Sailors who drink, smoke, swear; Disc Golfers who smoke, swear, drink, and do drugs; and now working with co-workers who probably do all that, means it might be harder for me to stand up for what I believe.

I don’t know why it’s so different. Maybe because I’m younger, maybe because most of them are my superiors and so I’m afraid if I make a mistake it means I could lose my job. Or maybe it’s just that they are all new people compared with the friends I’ve had for years. Whatever it is I know I want to please them all more and fit in, so I know if the opportunity presents itself I will find it harder to take a stand for what I believe.

This is why life is simple and yet harder. I know what I have to do, and how to do it…. but it doesn’t make it easier to do.  So I guess what I’m saying is… I hope God gives me the strength to stand up for him when I need to. I guess I’m saying that I know this is a great opportunity to show God’s love and so it’s harder cause it can have more of in impact… and thus I pray God gives me the strength to be used by him.

I pray that God will give me the strength to be his tool in my job, in my life, to reach the unbelievers and lost sheep of his. I pray that God makes it easier for me to live my simple life.

***I flipped open my Bible tonight after writing this and here are the verses I read

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

and Romans 8:31 “If God is for us, who can be against us”

Wow huh? God’s pretty amazing***

5805 by The Classic Crime

Friends, I will keep you like trophies
In my heart to remember how loneliness
Was a faded dream on 219th street

We were more than just young, we were full of it
And no one could touch us or take us in
Watching the sunset from the roof
We planned our next adventure

I was nineteen and young
Thought I had it all figured out
The world was our oyster
And we dove in to get the pearl out

Now, we are swimming in no more reefs
How we wish we could go back

I’ve got a sneaking suspicion
That hindsight only favors convention
But I’m not one to complain when it’s all I dream of

We were more than just useless and stupid kids
Music had moved us, we shook our fists
As we sang along at the top of our lungs

Now, we are swimming in no more reefs
How we wish we could go back
We hold the hopes that someday we’ll see the world again
Like that, like that, like that, like that

Now, we are swimming in no more reefs
How we wish we could go back
We hold the hopes that someday we’ll see the world again
Like that, like that, oh, like that, like that, yeah

————————————————————-

This is how I feel right now.

As the last of my friends disappear into the unforgiving bliss of worldwide adulthood which is synonymous with  “real life” I listen to this song and reflect.

Friends, I will keep you in my heart forever. We were full of life and love and happiness. We knew not what we had and yet we knew it all. Now as we leave and go our separate ways to a world  drowning in realities we can only look back on our days together in wonder and awe.

This isn’t to make you sad, it’s not to make you cry…. it’s not to say look what we are losing. It’s to say, remember the good times we had. The wonderful things we had while nothing could touch us. But most of all it’s to say, don’t grow up. Don’t let it go. We can still always be young at heart, we can love, and live, laugh and cry. We can dance and sing and move through the silent world as the awkward, loud, lovely and strange souls we are.

So with that said, I must say. This is the end. Or if not “the end” it is close enough to the real thing. Some of you I’ve said goodbye to with no intention of seeing again, others I hope to see as often as possible. Some I would love to see but doubt I will. And those I have not said goodbye to yet… this is it. Sure it might not be “it” but it’s close enough.

Now I must differentiate from the path of normalcy. Now is when I take my separation from reality and grab hold with all I have, for the time it lasts, until I am taken by reality kicking and screaming, or lured there by the as of yet unrealized, stated and or seen object or goal that pulls me in.

And thus, I shall be leaving in just a short while on one last adventure of independent freedom from responsibilities. If you have questions as to what that means…. stay in contact.

Otherwise…. remember the good times. Remember to not get pulled into reality/adulthood/life to quickly.

“Friends, I will keep you like trophies
In my heart to remember how loneliness
Was a faded dream”

Summer has been very busy and full. I’ve loved it and it is sad to see it coming to a close. I am starting to kind of worry about my life. What I mean is that I have no idea what the coming year will hold. Summer is almost over and I don’t have a job, and I’m not planning on going to a college yet. My Europe vacation has been postponed so currently I am just waiting to see what happens. I’m still applying to jobs and looking at schools but nothing is final. Pray for me and if you have any ideas or comments or advice feel free to let me know. All I know for now is that I’m trusting God in all he is doing. There is a plan and even though I don’t know it, he does.