As I sit here vehemently working late into the night, in a cold dark basement, I begin to think. I begin to think of a future without research papers. A future where I can write for the fun of writing, not for a grade, or for my graduation requirements. I begin to dream of a future were words will flow from my fingertips, through my keyboard, across the infrared galaxy, into the computer microprocessors, out the graphics board and up onto the monitor quickly, efficiently and with reasonable intelligence and much creativity. I hope for a day to come when this will be possible, yet I think it is farther than it appears.
Yet there is hope, the hope, and truth, that this research paper is not my life. The hope and dream and truth that there is something else out there for me. The knowledge that at any point I can point and laugh at my mocking computer screen in utter denial, then get up and walk away. I know I can do this and in fact I am on the verge of doing it. If only I was more confident in my abilities and didn’t second guess myself. Instead I doubt my courage and so I stay to write my paper….believing I must do it or I will fail high school and have to start over. But….. that’s unrealistic. We all know that this research paper isn’t that important. I mean, what did my teacher say? It only is a “requirement” for graduation and um… I think, just 40% of my grade?
So-who cares? Not me… no way… I’m leaving it. Right here. Right now. Forever. Research paper I don’t care that I have 70% of you left to finish. I. Am. Done……
(At least, until tomorrow night when the realities set in again)
