We are still in Beta.

My life is not going according to plan.

At least, not according to my plan.

Yet it is going according to God’s plan -and thus - Life is Good.

Work is going well. I really enjoy it. I’m learning a lot and getting to experience new things all the time. I love the opportunities that Next Adventure gives me.

My family is doing well and I am looking forward to my older brothers wedding to his wonderful fiance.

My friends are mostly away at college or working but settled into their lives and no one seems to be hating it as far as I can tell.

My girlfriend is enjoying school, just spent a week with my Uncle, Aunt and Cousins in Spokane and will be home in a week.

So yes… life is good.

In fact, I am almost fully at peace with life right now. Some other things recently happened that I won’t go into detail about but that I am very thankful for. I am truly blessed by God. Life is a lot better than I could have expected it to be at this point and it’s all because of him. If it had all been up to me right now would definitely not be going how it is now.

In other words, life would be worse off. For exampe…work… if it had gone my way I would have had a job at the beginning of summer. If that had happened I probably would have saved enough money to have visited Europe and would have arrived home from Europe a few weeks ago. This would have been great, but I probably would not have gotten this amazing job at Next Adventure, I would have no money and I don’t know how Annie and my relationship would be right now.
Now that is just one example of how life is better off because of God’s planning and not mine. There are other plans that I had a few years ago that did not happen, but that I now see are better because of it, and I am thankful for that.

So looking at my life now I am thankful for where I am. Life is good, and though I wish for things that are yet to come, I realize that God has a plan that is better than my own plan. Though I would love to be with my girlfriend (rather than all the way across the state), or have a lot of money, or whatever, I realize that all in God’s timing it will work out for the best. If I had followed Annie to WSU I probably would not be very happy right now, just like if I had gotten at job at the beginning of summer I would not have gotten this job now. So with that said, I am saying this.

Jesus I trust you with my future. Thank you for all you’ve given me and provided me with. I pray that I will continue to be thankful for all you’ve done for me and can show that by loving others as you have loved me. I also pray that you will give other friends and family in my life a thankfulness and peace about where they are in life right now too.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I find myself beginning to wonder about how to live life. See, it’s not as simple as it sounds….. or more so it is, but I’m scared. I don’t know how to say this, but I’ll take a stab.

My whole life I’ve found it pretty easy to fit in, easy to be myself and stand out while fitting in that is. I’ve never had an issue with people really not liking me, with me having to really try and stand up for what I believe. I’ve always had friends that might not agree with me, but they don’t try and force me to drink, swear, steal, do drugs, etc. etc. I mean, even when people I know have been doing things I’m uncomfortable with I’ve always found it pretty easy to just say no and stand up for what I believe. Partys and such where they play games I disagree with, or want to do something I don’t believe is right…. I can just say no. In fact sometimes I’d even pull out my Bible and just start reading.

Well, I’m afraid life is going to be different now. I don’t know for sure, but I just feel it is. Talking to my friends at college it seems harder for them. Some of them are making choices that they don’t agree with. Some are just being presented with situations that require them to take a stand one way or another. Soon I believe I will be in those situations.

Granted I’ve had a few already, between hanging out with a bunch of Sailors who drink, smoke, swear; Disc Golfers who smoke, swear, drink, and do drugs; and now working with co-workers who probably do all that, means it might be harder for me to stand up for what I believe.

I don’t know why it’s so different. Maybe because I’m younger, maybe because most of them are my superiors and so I’m afraid if I make a mistake it means I could lose my job. Or maybe it’s just that they are all new people compared with the friends I’ve had for years. Whatever it is I know I want to please them all more and fit in, so I know if the opportunity presents itself I will find it harder to take a stand for what I believe.

This is why life is simple and yet harder. I know what I have to do, and how to do it…. but it doesn’t make it easier to do.  So I guess what I’m saying is… I hope God gives me the strength to stand up for him when I need to. I guess I’m saying that I know this is a great opportunity to show God’s love and so it’s harder cause it can have more of in impact… and thus I pray God gives me the strength to be used by him.

I pray that God will give me the strength to be his tool in my job, in my life, to reach the unbelievers and lost sheep of his. I pray that God makes it easier for me to live my simple life.

***I flipped open my Bible tonight after writing this and here are the verses I read

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

and Romans 8:31 “If God is for us, who can be against us”

Wow huh? God’s pretty amazing***

5805 by The Classic Crime

Friends, I will keep you like trophies
In my heart to remember how loneliness
Was a faded dream on 219th street

We were more than just young, we were full of it
And no one could touch us or take us in
Watching the sunset from the roof
We planned our next adventure

I was nineteen and young
Thought I had it all figured out
The world was our oyster
And we dove in to get the pearl out

Now, we are swimming in no more reefs
How we wish we could go back

I’ve got a sneaking suspicion
That hindsight only favors convention
But I’m not one to complain when it’s all I dream of

We were more than just useless and stupid kids
Music had moved us, we shook our fists
As we sang along at the top of our lungs

Now, we are swimming in no more reefs
How we wish we could go back
We hold the hopes that someday we’ll see the world again
Like that, like that, like that, like that

Now, we are swimming in no more reefs
How we wish we could go back
We hold the hopes that someday we’ll see the world again
Like that, like that, oh, like that, like that, yeah

————————————————————-

This is how I feel right now.

As the last of my friends disappear into the unforgiving bliss of worldwide adulthood which is synonymous with  “real life” I listen to this song and reflect.

Friends, I will keep you in my heart forever. We were full of life and love and happiness. We knew not what we had and yet we knew it all. Now as we leave and go our separate ways to a world  drowning in realities we can only look back on our days together in wonder and awe.

This isn’t to make you sad, it’s not to make you cry…. it’s not to say look what we are losing. It’s to say, remember the good times we had. The wonderful things we had while nothing could touch us. But most of all it’s to say, don’t grow up. Don’t let it go. We can still always be young at heart, we can love, and live, laugh and cry. We can dance and sing and move through the silent world as the awkward, loud, lovely and strange souls we are.

So with that said, I must say. This is the end. Or if not “the end” it is close enough to the real thing. Some of you I’ve said goodbye to with no intention of seeing again, others I hope to see as often as possible. Some I would love to see but doubt I will. And those I have not said goodbye to yet… this is it. Sure it might not be “it” but it’s close enough.

Now I must differentiate from the path of normalcy. Now is when I take my separation from reality and grab hold with all I have, for the time it lasts, until I am taken by reality kicking and screaming, or lured there by the as of yet unrealized, stated and or seen object or goal that pulls me in.

And thus, I shall be leaving in just a short while on one last adventure of independent freedom from responsibilities. If you have questions as to what that means…. stay in contact.

Otherwise…. remember the good times. Remember to not get pulled into reality/adulthood/life to quickly.

“Friends, I will keep you like trophies
In my heart to remember how loneliness
Was a faded dream”

Summer has been very busy and full. I’ve loved it and it is sad to see it coming to a close. I am starting to kind of worry about my life. What I mean is that I have no idea what the coming year will hold. Summer is almost over and I don’t have a job, and I’m not planning on going to a college yet. My Europe vacation has been postponed so currently I am just waiting to see what happens. I’m still applying to jobs and looking at schools but nothing is final. Pray for me and if you have any ideas or comments or advice feel free to let me know. All I know for now is that I’m trusting God in all he is doing. There is a plan and even though I don’t know it, he does.

School Stole my Creativity……

….

……..

For now.

(aka: hopefully I’ll soon have a good post on here)

So I haven’t touched this site much in a while, but I have worked on some others. Here are two sites I have created in the past 6 months. The Murse site was for a marketing project at school and the zippee.info site was created for my senior project.

www.zippee.info

www.mymurse.info

As I sit here vehemently working late into the night, in a cold dark basement, I begin to think. I begin to think of a future without research papers. A future where I can write for the fun of writing, not for a grade, or for my graduation requirements. I begin to dream of a future were words will flow from my fingertips, through my keyboard, across the infrared galaxy, into the computer microprocessors, out the graphics board and up onto the monitor quickly, efficiently and with reasonable intelligence and much creativity. I hope for a day to come when this will be possible, yet I think it is farther than it appears.

Yet there is hope, the hope, and truth, that this research paper is not my life. The hope and dream and truth that there is something else out there for me. The knowledge that at any point I can point and laugh at my mocking computer screen in utter denial, then get up and walk away. I know I can do this and in fact I am on the verge of doing it. If only I was more confident in my abilities and didn’t second guess myself. Instead I doubt my courage and so I stay to write my paper….believing I must do it or I will fail high school and have to start over. But….. that’s unrealistic. We all know that this research paper isn’t that important. I mean, what did my teacher say? It only is a “requirement” for graduation and um… I think, just 40% of my grade?

So-who cares? Not me… no way… I’m leaving it. Right here. Right now. Forever. Research paper I don’t care that I have 70% of you left to finish. I. Am. Done……

(At least, until tomorrow night when the realities set in again)

we part ways now
but soon we will see
that tomorrow brings forth
another mystery
and new dragons to kill
and beasts to fight
but together we shall
both day and night
hold on to each other
till the morning light

I often find myself wondering what is worthwhile in this life. I think what is worthwhile is often decided by what we believe success is.This is where I express my opinions of difference. I think most Americans would equate success with something like money, or a nice house, or car, or having money in the bank. This means that most Americans find it worthwhile to go to their job, or go to school, or drive a fancy car, or buy a nice house.

Now, I don’t think any of these things are bad. It’s just that I don’t think that having these things is truly success. I think success is only found in doing what God has planned for my life and by doing what I enjoy. This is where I think that doing things like going to school becomes second to other things. It’s not that school isn’t worthwhile, it totally is! But when things come up of more importance, things more worth my time, I choose to do those. Often these things are connected with building or supporting relationships. Now many of you might at first disagree with this, but think about this, have you ever skipped work or school for a wedding or funeral? You’ll probably say that’s different, which it is, but still, you get my point? Relationships are of more importance than “success”. Or maybe I should put it this way, your personal “success” is nothing if you put it above your love for others. How about looking at it this way. What would Jesus think is more important, school/work, or hanging out with the starving child down the street, or the friend that’s falling apart due to all the stress in their life?

What would Jesus find worthwhile?

I recently rearranged my room. Now, when I say I rearranged it, I mean I fully rearranged and cleaned it. As in, you walk into my room now and it’s a totally different place, the bed, desks, and drawers are all in different places. It’s pretty crazy. When I started to clean though, it looked more like I was ransacking the place. I started by emptying all my lockers and boxes. Half way through I looked around the room and went “wow, this is a mess!” And it was! I had boxes all over, clothes all over, papers strewn about the room, piles of toys or electronics, and more strewn all about the place. It was so messy that I couldn’t even in there. But that’s how you start when you deep clean a room.
Once I  had organized the big items it was down for the harder part, organizing the papers. This was the point where I took all the papers I had found from the past years (all the way to elementary school!) and organized them. I had piles for everything! Homework, Notes from Friends, Drawings, Poetry, Random Notes, Bible Lessons, Verses, Journal entries, Music and I think a few others. Remember also, this was all stuff I’d written or had been written to me.Once I finished organizing all those papers I locked them all in a locker. Then I was finally done (after a good vacuum)
So what’s my point in saying all this? Well, I realized that we are sometimes like my room. As in, when God wants to clean us up, or rearrange our life we look like my room. I think the first step God has to do when cleaning us up is the ripping apart. Just like my room looked like it had been ransacked I think God pulls our life apart till you can see everything.
Once God rips our life apart I think only then can he put us back together. I think the next step in the process is God getting a giant garbage can and throwing all the uneeded stuff into, just like I did. After he’s removed everything unwanted I think he then organizes the large things in our lives. This goes here, this goes there, etc. This is the easy part, it’s all the obvious things. Then comes the hard part, organizing our past memories and thoughts. Just like I did with the papers, I can see God sitting down and making separate piles for everything. He goes through and re-reads each paper and then either throws it out, or puts it in the correct pile.

When I think about this it makes me think about what stage my life could be in right now. I almost would think I’m in the process of organizing the papers, but I’m not sure. I think that God might actually be continually doing all these processes in my life. At times I feel like he’s still ripping out things that are uneeded and undoing all my previous organizing. Other times it feels he’s putting something very obvious in it’s right spot. Whatever he’s doing I just want to make sure I trust him. He knows the final plan for my life and where he wants it, so I will choose to trust him.

So remember, when you feel your life is in the midst of chaos, in the middle of being ripped apart and you feel you don’t know where anything belongs anymore……maybe God is cleaning your room.